Valentine’s Day has never been a huge holiday for me. Of course, I’ve had some special ones, like in 1993 when Mr. Small Town surprised me with a marriage proposal. But, otherwise, Valentine’s is a day when I decorate with hearts in the windows, and I focus on God’s love for me, give love to my two guys, and show love to people God puts in my path.
But February 14, 2018, changed Valentine’s Day for our family.
As Mr. Small Town left to pick up our son from school, I took our family’s favorite casserole out of the oven. Then I was headed to the store to get dessert, and we planned to meet back home for supper. Then I got the call – the call about the shooting.
The call that changed Valentine’s Day for the rest of our lives.
The years since the shooting has been painful – remembering, memorializing, and marching. Anger, fear, and great sadness filled our community.
I have avoided Valentine’s Day since the shooting. We even traveled out of state for one year, so we didn’t have to relive that Day’s events. Nevertheless, I carried survivor’s guilt. My son came home that Day, while others marked it as the Day their child was murdered.
But this year, I decided to take back Valentine’s Day instead of letting it be stolen another year by the shooter.
I purchased a heart wreath this year and put it on my front porch window. The wreath means so much more than a decoration. It is a symbol marking that I have moved beyond avoiding this Day. The wreath says that I’ve come to a place of peace and healing and honor the victims and their families with love.
Writing this post brings sadness to my heart and tears to my eyes. February 14, 2018, will always be remembered because it is part of my history. I will shed tears, and that is okay. But instead of avoiding the pain, I will remember it, sit with it, and move on. I will pray for the families and other victims of the shooting. I will pray for healing for everyone involved. And I will continue to display hearts in my window.
Friends, I did not arrive at this point in my journey alone. God gave me a trusted therapist who helped me process my emotions. She lives in our community and understands the dynamics of the shooting within our community, and she provided a safe place for me to process the shooting.
Friends, if you find yourself avoiding emotions or trauma, ask God to help you find a trusted therapist to help you. Change is a scary process, but trust me, change is worth making.
Much love to all of you! May God’s love surround you and penetrate your soul so you can spread it to others that God brings to your journey.
Beautifully written, Becky. Can’t even imagine the pain and sadness involved in remembering this tragedy every Valentine’s Day, a day which should be all about love.
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